Anger is one of those outward emotions that effects not only ourselves, but the people around us. When anger is present there is always something else beneath the surface causing the anger. God chose to give us this emotion, and we need to learn how to handle it properly so that it can be used for good instead of bad.
When it comes to anger, we can deal with it in five different ways. The first three that we’ll look at will not actually resolve the problem, they’ll usually make it worse.
SUPPRESSION is denying that you are angry. Clamming up can lead to many physical and/or emotional problems, and often the person can only hold things in so long and winds up exploding eventually anyway.
OPEN AGGRESSION happens when you inappropriately display your anger through screaming, fighting, calling names, or anything else that harms others. When you are openly aggressive you are showing others that you are not handling your anger appropriately and that you must have things your own way.
PASSIVE AGGRESSION is not outwardly aggressive but it is still a destructive way of handling anger. With passive aggression you basically shut down. You may also gossip or talk about people behind their back or sulk. Passive aggression is not healthy or effective because it avoids conflict, and therefore the source of the issue is never addressed or corrected.
ASSERTIVENESS is a healthy way to handle anger, and it’s how God would have us to deal with our anger. The person who is assertive will address the issue with others involved, but will do so constructively and respectfully rather than with open or passive aggression.
Assertiveness is important because it is the way to solutions of problems, rather than trying to avoid them. If you can conduct yourself properly with assertiveness, you will usually find that others are receptive and will work with you towards a resolution.
LETTING GO OF ANGER is what you must do when there is no other way to solve the problem and deal with your anger. You may have worked very hard towards a possible solution, but sometimes it is simply out of your control. When you let go of anger you accept the fact that you can’t change the situation, so you decide to move past it.
Sometimes something that happens may bring back old feelings of hurt or anger. Remember that forgiveness is your choice and that you can move beyond the situation if you are willing to.
Ann Shorb is the founder of CCES in Hanover, PA. She provides a range of services including marital counseling, premarital counseling, family counseling, and individual counseling.
